[full of it]

Baby Brain

Posted in Uncategorized by susieyarbs on November 11, 2008

I can’t lie: I got babies on the brain.  I would say most of the time when I’m thinking about pregnancy or babies and all that, it’s in a detached sort of way; I’m thinking about it as something that interests me, rather than than something that pertains to me directly.  Normally I’m not thinking in terms of “me” or “us” or “our,” just in general, the way things are and how I think they should be (which are usually two very different things).  I was really doomed to be this way, having a mom like mine and being around women like Sally and Sherri, then working at Nativiti with both of them, assisting in deliveries and all of that.  I read books that most women don’t even glance at until they’re already pregnant, I watch the baby shows on TLC even though I cringe through most of it, I read baby blogs and pregnancy message boards.  And as much as I’m looking forward to starting a family and going through all of this with John, I want it to be the right time and I don’t want it to be any more stressful than it has to be; I want for us to have had enough time to ourselves.  

However.  Right around now, every month right before I start my period, I get this sensation of wanting it now.  If I slow down and think, I know that now is not the time, I know that we’ve only been married a year and I know that I don’t want to share myself yet.  But it’s like an ache, a physical ache to be a mother.  This is when I start putting us in the place of these other couples that I read about or see on TV.  I’ll look around our apartment and wonder where we could put a changing table, I’ll make dinner wondering if I could do this with a baby in a sling.  Just now I was looking at cloth diapers, and deciding that instead of buying the fancy ones and spending $500, I’d just as soon cut squares of fabric and learn how to fold and pin.    

Hormones, right?  Crazy.  I feel like I’m oozing estrogen, like if I could see my ovaries they would be radiating.  In the next few days I’ll be back to my normal, more rational self.  For right now I have to find something trendy to put on so I can run around Anthropologie for five hours.  

P.S. How adorable is this?

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