[full of it]

which was anomalous, then or now?

Posted in Uncategorized by susieyarbs on April 23, 2009

day two back in sf.  it isn’t 85 degrees in the apartment today, and i’m feeling much more energetic.  energetic enough to take my first zipcar adventure by myself.  it really wasn’t an adventure; i just went to the grocery store.  i can’t even explain to you how nice it was to fill up my cart without worrying how heavy it would be.  so wonderful.  i even did a fairly good job of not spending a fortune.  i’m not quite a coupon-cutter yet, but i do look for the stuff that’s marked down and compare unit prices.  i sounded like a total nerd right then.  secret’s out.

hey, you know what?  i like yogurt.  i really do.  i almost never buy it because dairy sometimes makes me phlegmy and gross, and who wants to feel phlegmy and gross?  but i can’t fool myself into thinking dairy’s gross.  i’ve tried.  i don’t think people need it, i think the milk ads are stupid, i think the calcium argument is lame.  cow milk for baby cows.  and really, i do think straight up milk is pretty gross.  but why can it be made into so many other delightful things?!  a world without brie and gelato?  horror!  the phlegm isn’t quite enough to make me give those things up completely.  and today i completely randomly bought a thing of blueberry yogurt after not having eaten any in a VERY long time, and i’m kind of upset by how much i’m enjoying it.  dang.  you win today, dairy, but one day.  one day i’ll turn my back on you, and then you’ll be sorry.  

speaking of food things, do any of you out there drink kombucha?  it’s apparently like, crazy good for you, and i kind of dig it (it’s fermented tea, btw.  which i understand sounds disgusting, but it’s not so bad.  once you get past the smell.)  anyway.  probiotics, antioxidants, b vitamins, blahblahblah they say it’s amazing.  oh, but they also say don’t make it yourself because it might, you know, kill you.  aspergillus, man.  it’ll getcha every time.

i’m pointless patsy right now.  i feel like a few months ago i wrote in here about more personal things than i have been lately.  getting all deep and whatnot.  let’s have another go, shall we?  

i think i’ve leveled off somewhat from the constant novelty high of being in a new city.  not that this feels like “home” necessarily, but things are normal instead of new.  i go to work at really odd times and pretty infrequently, and other than that i write in my journal, i try to knit, and generally play the housewife.  in the last few months my hormones have apparently decided that it’s baby time, which it definitely isn’t.  emotions that used to only come around once a month are with me everyday now, and are completely at odds with reason and rationality.  if i try to separate myself from my emotions (which is becoming increasingly more difficult), i can see that the idea of babies right now is preposterous.  absurd!  we live 1800 miles away from our family, we live in a 650 sf apartment in a ridiculously expensive city, we haven’t even been married for 2 years, and i have zero way to make money.  right.  but, like i said, it’s like the baby switch flipped.  i can understand why people call it the baby bug – it’s seriously as if a virus has taken hold of my emotions.  i just wonder why this needed to happen to me at the absolute worst time ever.  would you like to hear my existentialist explanation of it?  of course you do.

so.  i’m sort of lacking in sources of identity at the moment (you can stop reading at any time, it’s about to get a lot nerdier.  just a warning.)  i kind of have a job but i don’t really get much from it.  i spend the vast majority of my time at home, taking care of the apartment.  cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc.  i don’t really spend all day cleaning and running errands, but i guess i feel like my main responsibility, since my job doesn’t require much, is to take care of stuff like that.  the money that i make is negligible, so my “worth” in our little lives centers around me keeping house.  like a housewife.  only without the kids.  yes?  i’ve chosen an identity for myself that is literally impossible right now.  a housewife without kids is not a housewife.  so i think maybe i’m trying to fill in the gap.  maybe?  who knows.  i hope that’s it, because if it is, then once i’m back in school maybe it’ll go away.  or at least i’ll be busy enough to be distracted for a while.  

anyway.  fortunately my husband is both rational and empathetic.  most 24 year old dudes, even married ones, i think would be pretty freaked out if their s.o. wanted kids at such a bizarre time.  hurray for healthy communication!  seriously ladies, don’t scout the bars for your future husband, prowl the college of communication.

now: dog walk, dinner prep, missed office episodes on hulu, sleep.

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